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Talonpaw's Guide to being just plain AWESOME
1. Play dead Talonpaw: hehe Leafwhisker: Talonpaw! Time for a border pat... AHHH Talonpaw's dead! Nightstar: Does any cat know CPR? Leafwhisker: Call 911! Talonpaw: haha. 2. Jump in water and act like a maniac Snoozepelt: Talonpaw! You're falling behind! Talonpaw: One minute! .*Jumps in the lake* Snoozepelt: What are you doing? Talonpaw: Ah! Im drowning! Snoozepelt: No you're n-*gets splashed* Talonpaw!!! Talonpaw: Snoozepelt, don't get distracted. We're supposed to be border patrolling. Snoozepelt: Why you...! 3.Find a cat with your name and hang out Talonpaw:Hi! What's Your name! Cat:Talonpaw! Talonpaw 1:Awesome! Lets be buddies! At a Gathering Random Cat: What are your names? Talonpaws 1 and 2:Talonpaw! Random Cat*puzzled*:Waht? Thats too confusing. Talonpaw 1*whispers to Talonpaw 2*:I always knew ShadowClan cats were D-U-M-B 4.Get a fish and throw it at someone's face Talonpaw:*steals a fish from a RiverClan cat*:I'll take that! RiverClan Cat: Gimme dat fishy! He waz gonna be ma son! Talonpaw:Geez. RiverClan cats are weird Back at camp Wolfpaw:Hi Talonpaw! What you got ther- Thwap! Wolfpaw:WHY? TALONPAW WHY? NOW I'M COVERED IN SLIME! Talonpaw*expression blank*never seen you rage before Find a gallon of twoleg soda and drink the whole thing at once Talonpaw:What's that? Kittypet:Its soda. Twolegs drink it. Talonpaw:Cool! Talonpaw's now on the Sunrock Talonpaw:Let all cats old e-ah! Forget it. HEY! EVERYBODY! COME SEE THIS! .*Talonpaw drinks soda* Talonpaw:OMSC! OMSC! OMSC! OMSC! SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FULL OF ENERGY!!!!!! .*Talonpaw races around camp and confuses every cat.* Nightstar:WHAT IN STARCLAN'S NAME IS GOING ON?!?!?! Talonpaw*freezes*:Eh. Playing. 6.Show the kits how to play angry birds Talonpaw:Kits! Look what I've got! Hollykit:What is it? Talonpaw:It's an Ipad! Pinekit:An I what? Talonpaw:AN IPAD! Pinekit:Oh. Talonpaw:Watch this. *Plays angry birds.* Pinekit and Hollykit:WOW! Can we try? Talonpaw:Sure you'll never beat my highscore though. .*A few minutes later.* Pinekit and Hollykit:We're done! Talonpaw:Given up already? Both kits:Nope! We beat the game! Talonpaw:WHAT *sees all levels beaten with three stars* HOW DID U DO THAT???? Both kits:Piece of cake. Talonpaw:Uhh... Lets try Angry Birds Seasons! 7.Find dynamite and tell your worst enemy it's candy Talonpaw:Hey! Snoozepelt! Snoozepelt:WHAT DO U WANT?!?! Talonpaw:*whispers*i hate u *normal voice*i got u some candy*shows dynamite* Snoozepelt:YUMMIES*eats dynamite*HA!NONE LEFT FOR U LOSER! IT EVEN HAD A LIGHT ON IT Talonpaw:dat wasn't just a light Snoozepelt:uh oh*blows up* Snoozepelt:*dies* Talonpaw:YESYESYESYES HES DEAD!! Snoozepelt:Mwahaha I have nine livez Talonpaw:nuuuuuuu u will not ruin this for me!!*kills Snoozepelt eight more times*YES HES DEAD AT LAST 8.Do the Hokey Pokey in front of your brother Talonpaw:*sneaks up on Wolfpaw*PUT YOUR RIGHT PAW IN! TAKE YOUR RIGHT PAW OUT! PUT YOUR RIGHT PAW IN AND SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT! YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY YOU TURN YOURSELF AROUND. THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT!! Wolfpaw:Oh my StarClan! Icepaw:lollollollol 9.Find old twoleg clothes and put them on. Talonpaw:ooh.. Abandoned Twoleg Nest!*puts old clothes on *back at camp* Talonpaw:(in dopey voice)daaaaah, Ima twoleg! Im gonna steal warrior cat territory! Everybody Else:AHHHHHHHHHH! TWOLEG! Talonpaw:lol Snoozepelt:CALM DOWN ITS JUST THAT IDIOT TALONPAW! Talonpaw:*took off the twoleg clothes I THOUGH I KILLED U Snoozepelt:you did, but i have a tenth life Talonpaw:hey! i got you a new toothbrush! Snoozepelt:gimme gimme gimme Talonpaw:ok!*grins evilly and turns on chainsaw* here you go! Snoozepelt:AHHHHHH! Talonpaw:*kills Snoozepelt with chainsaw Wolfpaw:well that was brutal Talonpaw:*kills everyone with chainsaw* MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Racerbird:Talonpaw! Revive every one now! Talonpaw:FINE!*whispers*except Snoozepelt lol XD 10.Find a cool thing that cats don't know about Talonpaw:Everyone! I found a magnet! Nightstar:a what? Talonpaw:A MAGNET! Watch!*takes nail and makes it stick NightClan:woah Talonpaw:Let's see if it works on idiots!*points magnet at Snoozepelt who miraculously revived. Snoozepelt gets sucked in Snoozepelt:AHHHHHHHHH! Talonpaw:omigosh! BEST WEAPON EVA! 11.Eat the Moon Talonpaw:See that moon? Wolfpaw:Yeah. Its big. Talonpaw:Not for long! ima eat it! Wolfpaw:... Wut? Talonpaw:Watch dis! *floats up to the moon on his magical coconut and eats it* Wolfpaw:omsc .*Talonpaw eats his coconut* Talonpaw:Whoops .*Talonpaw falls and lands on Wolfpaw* Talonpaw:Where's Wolfpaw? All I see is a gray leaf. Wolfpaw:GET OFF! Talonpaw:Woah! A talking leaf! 12. Start a Fruit Fight Talonpaw:*throws mango at Wolfpaw* Wolfpaw:HEY!*throws Pineapple back at Talonpaw Snoozepelt:YUSSSS!*gets out a dragonfruit machine gun and fires at Talonpaw* Talonpaw:*gets in a tomato tank is shoots back at Snoozepelt* Magical flying cat:*sends down Cantaloupe bombs* Talonpaw:AHHHHHH! Icepaw:throws Ice Cream at Talonpaw. Talonpaw:Ice Cream... is... not... a... FRUIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! BAAAAAAA! *eats ice cream* Oh, YUMMMIES! Snoozepelt:This is no longer a fruit fight, is a FOOD WAR! *chucks some cheeseburgers at Talonpaw* Talonpaw 2:*throws himself in front of Talonpaw 1:CHEESEBURGERS! Talonpaw 1:Talonpaw? You saved me! Talonpaw 2:*pretending to die* Yes *fake cough* I did, now, leave me to ea...I mean die in peace! Talonpaw 1 :I SHALL AVENGE YOU! *gets out a carrot sword* Snoozepelt:So thats how you want it, *gets out celery hammer Snoozepelt and Talonpaw 1:CHAAAAAARRRRGE!*weapons immediately break* Snoozepelt and Talonpaw 1:Well that worked well. Nightstar:STOP! Talonpaw 1:Ok. EVERYONE WHO'S DEAD, UNDIE NOW! Talonpaw 2:*stops eating* OK! Talonpaw 1:Talonpaw? Why is there cheese on your mouth? Talonpaw 2 :I don't know. Talonpaw 1:*sigh* 13. TBA Talonpaw:TBA... Snoozepelt:That's the best you could do?! Talonpaw:What do you mean? Snoozepelt:What does "TBA" have to do with being awesome? Talonpaw:You didn't let me finish. TBA you must keep reading! Snoozepelt:What? Talonpaw:TBA! To. Be. Awesome! What dumb are you? Snoozepelt:OH MY STARCLAN! 14. Eat nachos Talonpaw: Now to eat nachos. Cloudtail: NACHOSSSSSSSSSS! *steals nachos* Nightstar:HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! Cloudtail:Nachos. Wolfpaw:*appears out of nowhere* Did someone say nachos? *sees nachos* NACHOS! Cloudtail:NO! MY NACHOS! Talonpaw:Well actually they were mi- Wolfpaw:MINE! Cloudtaill:MINE! Wolfpaw:MINE! Cloudtail:MINE! Nightstar:SHUT UP! Both: *shut up* *Cloudtail is then randomly struck by lightning and Wolfpaw eats all the nachos* Talonpaw:nooooooooooooo 15. Find something shiny *Talonpaw finds a spoon* Talonpaw:OMSC A SHINY (bops Icepaw on the head with it) Icepaw: (explodes) Talonpaw:wow lemme try it on Snoozepelt *waits outside warriors den* Talonpaw:wow I see why they call him SNOOZEpelt. He sleeps (yells) FOREVER! *Snoozepelt comes out* Snoozepelt: HEY! WHO SAID THAT! TALONPAW! YOU MADE ME MAD! NOW I'M GONNA- Talonpaw:*bops Snoozepelt on the head* Snoozepelt:(explodes) Talonpaw:YUSSSSSSSSSSSS! 16.TBA Category:Racer's Spoofs